I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
