goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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