i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
