I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
