I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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