CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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