Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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