I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
