She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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