Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
