Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
