the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude. I can hear the air.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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