Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
