Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
