Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
