Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
