Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
