That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
