doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
