sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
