Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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