If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
