Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
