Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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