There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
