so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
