Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
