Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
