shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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