Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
