I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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