honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
