I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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