You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
