I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
