i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Watching her eat just hurts me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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