So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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