Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
