the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
not ubering you a puppy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
