She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
