I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
