If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
