but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No subtext here. People are naked.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
