Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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