Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
