You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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