The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dicks are not precious.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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