I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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