I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
