They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
