while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
