p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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